Day 448

No excuses, just an update. I've totally fallen off the wagon. I'm exhausted and completely overwhelmed by life. I just had a great opportunity to go to Nicaragua for five days to learn about some education projects, which was very interesting. But we were kept going straight out for the entire time. So I ate whatever was in front of me when we were given food - it wasn't an insane amount of horrible food, but I was not judicious in what I was eating. And donuts and pastries are definitely in my diet again, as are chocolates, because when I've been so tired I've been eating anything I can to try and stay awake. I need to detox from sugar completely in order to get out of this downward spiral. I've gained some weight back, enough that I actually went back into my bin of old too-large clothes. Some are still significantly too big, but I did wear some in Nicaragua. I felt horribly icky and fat on the trip, and my knees and back are starting to complain again.

Anyone have any constructive ideas for jumpstarting again?

Day 414

So I have been in a rut, and part of it was caused by the tough love comment I got on my last post here. (I just published it, so you'll have to go back to the last blog entry to see it). I don't know this person, and I do appreciate her taking the time to comment. And I'm not sure she's saying anything that I don't need to hear, but instead of embracing the challenge, I get defensive and then depressed when I get comments like that. So it started/contributed to the funk I'm in, but it does give me food for thought and certainly has been on my mind for the last few weeks.

I'm tired of this - which is just too bad. I'm tired of always always always having to debate over what I put in my mouth. I just want to not have to think, and just enjoy what I want to. I know that's impossible, I really do know that. It's just hard, and constant constant constant... I know, I know, I'm whining. I need to keep telling myself that Rome wasn't built in a day, and last year I accomplished the goal of losing 50 pounds and keeping it off for the year. So, maybe this year that should be my goal again - another 50 pounds and keeping it all off til this time next year.

I have made two tiny changes this week - I've been bringing in clementines for snacks at work, and I bought a veggie tray for munching on at dinnertime. It's true what they say - if the veggies are there, you'll be more likely to eat them - not only have I been eating them, but my daughter has too (my son is being a food curmudgeon)...

I don't know - anyone have any suggestions for inspiring initiative?

Day 401

So...not so good with these resolutions... haven't been blogging, haven't been walking (not even wearing my pedometer every day), haven't been keeping food logs...  Why is it so hard to motivate? I don't feel good - on the other hand, I don't feel horrible, which is probably part of the problem. It's easier to motivate when you are at rock bottom, and need to do SOMETHING to move in the right direction. It's harder to motivate when things are just okay, not horrible. Of course, by any objective standards I am still in a "horrible" place physically - still at about 330 pounds. I keep telling myself that I've been able to keep 50 pounds off now for about a year, which is good. But now I need to tackle the next 50 pounds. And I do feel like my body is sort of, vaguely, calling out in some very small way, that it wants to exercise... WHAT?? What was that? It can't be true... that's unheard of in my body! So now it's a question of actually MOVING and fitting it into the schedule. And meal planning. I need to figure out meal planning.

There goes a list. The ongoing list that keeps running and running and growing. One thing at a time. Okay, for the next two weeks, the goal is to figure out how to fit in some exercise, somewhere. Keep trying to eat decently, but let's focus on the movement. Sigh.

Day 384

A new year, a new start! Weight has been gained, steps have been reduced, (much!) food has been eaten...but it's a new day and a new year, and it's time to refocus and get back on track. I spent much of the weekend cleaning out the kids' rooms and closets, but I still have to "de-deck" the house from the holidays, and tonight is the alma mater playing in the Orange Bowl, which necessitated the ordering of pizza, but otherwise, it's a new day and we're trying again! I actually was quite good today food-wise, and wore my pedometer for the first time in a while. Only got to about 3500 steps, but I have to start somewhere. I think the exercise is (again) going to be the biggest challenge - both motivation and finding/making time. The husband got up at 6 this morning to work out - very impressive - and I need to use that as motivation. Perhaps another 5K to work towards in March or April...?