Just a quick update - yesterday morning I weighed in at 333 pounds, down 48 from where I started! Now, I went to my doctor a few hours later, and got on her scale, and was only at 337, and that's probably more accurate and closer to the original Oz scale than mine at home...but I like my number better! 48 pounds lost is 27% of the amount I'm hoping to lose - that's a QUARTER of the way! That sounds pretty good to me...
Even better, I also had my blood pressure taken at the doctor's. This was honestly better to hear than the weight loss this week. On the show my BP was 142/94 (or something like that, I'd have to check the exact numbers).Yesterday it was 128/82. Still not super low, but that's generally what it's been for years, and that's a whole lot less worrisome than what it had been. So, I'm MUCH more relieved about that!
Keep those great travel food suggestions coming...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Day 71
I realized today when one of my biggest weak-willed times is - when I'm tired and worn down. I think I've gotten to the point where I can resist most things that I shouldn't eat on a day-in, day-out basis - not saying I won't/haven't occasionally slipped, but it usually is for something really worth slipping for, and it's a deliberate (mindful!) decision to eat whatever it is (really good french fries, amazing cupcakes). But today was a LONG day, and the kids are just going through some sort of phase, so they're tired and cranky and whiny and, well, exhausting. It was as I was driving to the birthday party with them this afternoon that I found myself wanting to slip up and just eat crap without thinking about it. It's like when I'm really tired I just don't have the energy to summon up the willpower to know what's best for me and my body, and I just want to zone out and soothe that exhaustion with junk. I suppose the first step in fixing a problem is recognizing it...but when I'm weary, the idea of something sweet and sugary sounds really good. But I do know that even when I have slipped, I don't feel good after the fact - my body is definitely getting used to having minimal amounts of sugar, and it feels funny when I do eat some.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day 68
Still having trouble figuring out quick, easy dinners for me alone and (ideally) for the kids as well. Tonight we just had some whole wheat pasta with no sugar added pasta sauce. Other thoughts are very welcome!!
Another thing I'm searching for thoughts on is something warm to drink that's not tea. I like tea a lot, but sometimes am feeling like something more substantial, but warm. Obviously hot chocolate is out, so other ideas?
Finally, one BIG area that I need help on. Two weeks from tomorrow I fly to Thailand for work for ten days. I'm not so worried about what I'll eat once I get there (although I am not holding my breath that they'll have brown rice, so that will be hard). I am REALLY worried about what to do while I'm on a 15 hour plane ride, then a two hour layover in Tokyo, then a 7 hour flight to Bangkok. What can I bring with me for the loooonnnggg trip that will last a while and keep me from eating whatever they pass out on the plane? Nuts are an easy one, dried fruits, baby carrots and other cut up veggies for at least a little while, cereal like Cheerios...other thoughts??? Normally I would hit the gift shop at the airport and buy chocolate bars, bags of candy, etc. That obviously won't work, so I have to make sure that whatever I bring will make it through security too. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
Another thing I'm searching for thoughts on is something warm to drink that's not tea. I like tea a lot, but sometimes am feeling like something more substantial, but warm. Obviously hot chocolate is out, so other ideas?
Finally, one BIG area that I need help on. Two weeks from tomorrow I fly to Thailand for work for ten days. I'm not so worried about what I'll eat once I get there (although I am not holding my breath that they'll have brown rice, so that will be hard). I am REALLY worried about what to do while I'm on a 15 hour plane ride, then a two hour layover in Tokyo, then a 7 hour flight to Bangkok. What can I bring with me for the loooonnnggg trip that will last a while and keep me from eating whatever they pass out on the plane? Nuts are an easy one, dried fruits, baby carrots and other cut up veggies for at least a little while, cereal like Cheerios...other thoughts??? Normally I would hit the gift shop at the airport and buy chocolate bars, bags of candy, etc. That obviously won't work, so I have to make sure that whatever I bring will make it through security too. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Day 66
Amazingly, another 4 pounds down as of this morning, for a total of 44 lost. My clothes are definitely getting looser, and some of my pants are really too big. I think once I lose another 30 pounds or so I'll be able to get back into some of my clothes that I haven't worn in three years. Of course, once I get down to 300 pounds (I'm at 337 now), then I'll feel like the real work begins. That used to be my highest weight ever before these last few years, and so in some warped place in my head, the weight loss isn't really meaningful until I start getting down from that number.
But, there is a part of me that knows that this is a huge step in the right direction, and shows me that I CAN do this, if I keep working at it. I have let myself slip here and there over the last few weeks, and while that may not sit well with Dr. Roizen (Mr. "never eat sugar, white flour and red meat again in your life"), it's hard for me to imagine giving up those things entirely. At the same time, today I took my son to Starbucks and he asked for a donut as a treat, and I thought for a split second about having a bite, and then decided quickly it just wasn't worth it. (This was, though, after we had been out to lunch and I did eat a handful of french fries - but excellent ones, cooked in olive oil, not McDonalds ones...)
I have had a VERY hard time getting in even remotely enough steps in the last two weeks. Hopefully things will return a bit back to normal and I can start doing laps at work again and get my steps up. Dr. R. has told me to start doing exercises - squats and lunges - to build up my thigh strength, which he says will help with my knee pain, and I can feel it in the back of my legs and my knee isn't hurting as much.
There has been one other thing that I think is a good sign. Twice now in the last week or so I've had diet-related dreams - once, that I was wearing my pedometer and trying to get in more steps, and the other was about keeping food logs. Clearly both items are a bit of a source of anxiety for me, but I think it's momentous that they have infiltrated my sleeping consciousness as well as my awake one.
But, there is a part of me that knows that this is a huge step in the right direction, and shows me that I CAN do this, if I keep working at it. I have let myself slip here and there over the last few weeks, and while that may not sit well with Dr. Roizen (Mr. "never eat sugar, white flour and red meat again in your life"), it's hard for me to imagine giving up those things entirely. At the same time, today I took my son to Starbucks and he asked for a donut as a treat, and I thought for a split second about having a bite, and then decided quickly it just wasn't worth it. (This was, though, after we had been out to lunch and I did eat a handful of french fries - but excellent ones, cooked in olive oil, not McDonalds ones...)
I have had a VERY hard time getting in even remotely enough steps in the last two weeks. Hopefully things will return a bit back to normal and I can start doing laps at work again and get my steps up. Dr. R. has told me to start doing exercises - squats and lunges - to build up my thigh strength, which he says will help with my knee pain, and I can feel it in the back of my legs and my knee isn't hurting as much.
There has been one other thing that I think is a good sign. Twice now in the last week or so I've had diet-related dreams - once, that I was wearing my pedometer and trying to get in more steps, and the other was about keeping food logs. Clearly both items are a bit of a source of anxiety for me, but I think it's momentous that they have infiltrated my sleeping consciousness as well as my awake one.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Day 60
Well, I hit a nice round number yesterday morning on the scale! Down to 341 pounds, which is 40 pounds from where I started! As my coworker would say, that's 8 bags of flour piled up!
The last week has been so hard stuck inside the house. Somehow this snow not only activates comfort food cravings, but also makes me feel lethargic and not want to move. I got outside today though, in the brief lull before the next storm started earlier tonight, and went to the grocery store. And successfully resisted buying donuts and cake and other things I would have normally eaten.
This weekend was full of temptations, and I didn't completely resist. Sunday was the Superbowl, and we had company, so we ordered pizza. I had leftover whole wheat pasta, and veggies, but did eat about 2/3 of a slice of pizza. Then it was one of our visitor's birthdays, and I resisted the cake that night, but had a sliver the next day. And yesterday my son wanted to make cookies - I didn't have to make a whole batch since we have some frozen 'break and bake" dough, but he absolutely insisted, to the point of tears, that I had to eat a cookie.
I've explained to him that certain things "aren't on my diet," and often he'll ask now if something is or is not on my diet before we eat it. He'll even ask if something is on my diet before he eats it, and then he'll say "it's on my diet too," or if I say no, it's not on mine, he'll often say "well, it is on my diet." I don't want him getting any messages about a huge focus on weight, but I think right now he doesn't put that together with the word "diet" - it's just about what I eat or don't eat. I really need to watch it though, I'm almost afraid to use the word at all around the kids, because I don't want either of them, but especially my daughter, picking up negative body image issues.
I did make what I thought was a great dinner last night, although the kids were only lukewarm on it. Thanks to a recipe from the Kraft website, I modified it slightly and it was so yummy. Chicken breasts cut in strips and cooked in a pan with a little olive oil, add taco seasoning packet, one cup salsa and two cups water, bring to boil, then add four cups instant rice, cook til rice is done. I used instant brown rice and whole grain tortillas, sprinkled a little part skim, low fat shredded cheese on it, and really enjoyed it. And I have enough left over for at least three more meals.
The last week has been so hard stuck inside the house. Somehow this snow not only activates comfort food cravings, but also makes me feel lethargic and not want to move. I got outside today though, in the brief lull before the next storm started earlier tonight, and went to the grocery store. And successfully resisted buying donuts and cake and other things I would have normally eaten.
This weekend was full of temptations, and I didn't completely resist. Sunday was the Superbowl, and we had company, so we ordered pizza. I had leftover whole wheat pasta, and veggies, but did eat about 2/3 of a slice of pizza. Then it was one of our visitor's birthdays, and I resisted the cake that night, but had a sliver the next day. And yesterday my son wanted to make cookies - I didn't have to make a whole batch since we have some frozen 'break and bake" dough, but he absolutely insisted, to the point of tears, that I had to eat a cookie.
I've explained to him that certain things "aren't on my diet," and often he'll ask now if something is or is not on my diet before we eat it. He'll even ask if something is on my diet before he eats it, and then he'll say "it's on my diet too," or if I say no, it's not on mine, he'll often say "well, it is on my diet." I don't want him getting any messages about a huge focus on weight, but I think right now he doesn't put that together with the word "diet" - it's just about what I eat or don't eat. I really need to watch it though, I'm almost afraid to use the word at all around the kids, because I don't want either of them, but especially my daughter, picking up negative body image issues.
I did make what I thought was a great dinner last night, although the kids were only lukewarm on it. Thanks to a recipe from the Kraft website, I modified it slightly and it was so yummy. Chicken breasts cut in strips and cooked in a pan with a little olive oil, add taco seasoning packet, one cup salsa and two cups water, bring to boil, then add four cups instant rice, cook til rice is done. I used instant brown rice and whole grain tortillas, sprinkled a little part skim, low fat shredded cheese on it, and really enjoyed it. And I have enough left over for at least three more meals.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Day 57
Well, we've been completely housebound now for 36 hours,with around two and a half feet of snow, and lost electricity for about 4 hours today. Somehow not having power made the cravings for sugar rise even more than they had already! We have a birthday cake in the kitchen because we have houseguests coming tomorrow for a couple of nights and it's one of their birthdays tomorrow - as we contemplated more than a few hours without power, it started calling and calling to all of us...
I am VERY proud of myself though! We have a treadmill in the basement that I don't think I have used...ever... But after only getting in about 1200 steps yesterday, I realized I had to do something today. So, while my loving husband was making dinner, I went down and walked for just over a mile, getting in more than 3000 steps! Other than the kiddos being somewhat mystified by what I was doing, it actually felt really good. I realized that I have missed moving around for the last couple of days. It's so easy to just sit on my butt on the couch, and that's not good, especially when it's easy to self-soothe with the stress of the storm (and two crazy kids bouncing off the walls!) with chocolate - dark chocolate, but still probably more than I should be having!
I am VERY proud of myself though! We have a treadmill in the basement that I don't think I have used...ever... But after only getting in about 1200 steps yesterday, I realized I had to do something today. So, while my loving husband was making dinner, I went down and walked for just over a mile, getting in more than 3000 steps! Other than the kiddos being somewhat mystified by what I was doing, it actually felt really good. I realized that I have missed moving around for the last couple of days. It's so easy to just sit on my butt on the couch, and that's not good, especially when it's easy to self-soothe with the stress of the storm (and two crazy kids bouncing off the walls!) with chocolate - dark chocolate, but still probably more than I should be having!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Day 54
What is it about snowy days that makes me want to comfort eat? Most days I am fine with the idea of a turkey sandwich on multigrain bread, but today that just doesn't sound appealing, but a greasy cheeseburger or steak and cheese with fries sounds wonderful... And a salad really isn't sounding good. Soup, maybe...
Next weekend the husband and I are taking a much-needed break from the kiddos. Unfortunately, when we usually get away (not that often), it almost always involves eating something rich and special. But not this time. So, we're going to this lovely resort not too far from the house, with a spa and a pool and a nice, quiet, kid-less room and no wakeup calls...but we are skipping the decadent Sunday brunch, which is really one of my favorite meals in the world. (For example, the Westin on Grand Cayman Island has probably one of the most amazing Sunday brunches I've ever seen!) I recognize that even at my "goal" weight I may be able to eat treats like pizza or cake occasionally, but I'm not sure a full-out Sunday brunch will really be a good idea, ever. Yet another adjustment in attitude, perspective, and planning. And I know we need to find other rewards and activities to share that don't involve food, but oy, that's hard when you have focused so much of your entire lives on food-as-celebration/treats/solace/comfort/etc. (And how not to pass that onto the kids - THAT's a topic for another day!)
Next weekend the husband and I are taking a much-needed break from the kiddos. Unfortunately, when we usually get away (not that often), it almost always involves eating something rich and special. But not this time. So, we're going to this lovely resort not too far from the house, with a spa and a pool and a nice, quiet, kid-less room and no wakeup calls...but we are skipping the decadent Sunday brunch, which is really one of my favorite meals in the world. (For example, the Westin on Grand Cayman Island has probably one of the most amazing Sunday brunches I've ever seen!) I recognize that even at my "goal" weight I may be able to eat treats like pizza or cake occasionally, but I'm not sure a full-out Sunday brunch will really be a good idea, ever. Yet another adjustment in attitude, perspective, and planning. And I know we need to find other rewards and activities to share that don't involve food, but oy, that's hard when you have focused so much of your entire lives on food-as-celebration/treats/solace/comfort/etc. (And how not to pass that onto the kids - THAT's a topic for another day!)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Day 52
Not sure I'm trusting my scale...I was down another 3 pounds this morning, for a total loss of 36 pounds! That's about what my son weighs! And, percentage-wise, that's about 20% of the way to my goal! Wow. A fifth of the way there. That's a better way to look at things.
I'm still at 345 pounds...which means thatif, no, WHEN, I lose about this amount again, in my mind that only gets me back down to where I was pre-kiddos (it's not pregnancy weight per se, since they're adopted, but I'd say it essentially came around the time of the first kid...!) So that means, to me, at that point is when the "real" weight loss begins, when we move into the realm of "this is how much I weighed when I was trying to get pregnant" (about 260); "this is how much I weighed when we got married" (about 245); and "this is how much I weighed when I was at my lowest point ever" (about 220).
I am wearing a shirt today that I bought a few months ago, and at that time could only wear under things. Today I felt like it looked good enough to wear on its own.
I did get back on the horse yesterday, and managed to get through the third birthday party of the weekend without eating any pizza or cake. My friend Erica just commented about how her husband approaches dieting, telling himself that "even if this is the BEST cake/whatever in the world, some day I'll be able to eat it again, just not now." It's a good philosophy, one I think my mind has been dancing around, so it's good to hear it in words. The husband said yesterday that he's thinking for our tenth anniversary (Oct. 2011) he wants to investigate getting a custom made cake from Charm City Cakes in Baltimore (of "Ace of Cakes" fame on the Food Network). I know that food is NOT the best reward, but that would be something to deliberately, mindfully work towards as a treat - but ONLY if I'm at a good weight at that point!
I'm still at 345 pounds...which means that
I am wearing a shirt today that I bought a few months ago, and at that time could only wear under things. Today I felt like it looked good enough to wear on its own.
I did get back on the horse yesterday, and managed to get through the third birthday party of the weekend without eating any pizza or cake. My friend Erica just commented about how her husband approaches dieting, telling himself that "even if this is the BEST cake/whatever in the world, some day I'll be able to eat it again, just not now." It's a good philosophy, one I think my mind has been dancing around, so it's good to hear it in words. The husband said yesterday that he's thinking for our tenth anniversary (Oct. 2011) he wants to investigate getting a custom made cake from Charm City Cakes in Baltimore (of "Ace of Cakes" fame on the Food Network). I know that food is NOT the best reward, but that would be something to deliberately, mindfully work towards as a treat - but ONLY if I'm at a good weight at that point!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Day 50
(Wow, 50 days since this started - that's a long time...)
So, we're just going to pretend this day never happened. I took my son to two birthday parties today. I was pretty good at the first one, although I had a few bites of cake (after a three bite tuna whole wheat sandwich, some fruit, and some cherry tomatoes). But the second party needs to just go into a box and not be discussed ever again. They had homemade dumplings, sushi, and some of those yummy puff pastry appetizers. And great cake. I wasn't mindful at all, once I let myself eat a couple bites, I just let it go. Aye, yay, yay.
Okay, I slipped. I let myself slip, and I knew it was happening as I was doing it. Okay, move on. Tomorrow is another day. Dr. Albers made the point to me after a previous post that I shouldn't look at is as never eating X or Y ever again, but just not eating those things while I'm trying to lose weight. When I get to maintaining (seems SO far away!), then I can allow myself to eat an occasional treat.
I don't feel well right now though, with the sugar and the carbs. Hopefully I can remember this and not do it again next time.
So, we're just going to pretend this day never happened. I took my son to two birthday parties today. I was pretty good at the first one, although I had a few bites of cake (after a three bite tuna whole wheat sandwich, some fruit, and some cherry tomatoes). But the second party needs to just go into a box and not be discussed ever again. They had homemade dumplings, sushi, and some of those yummy puff pastry appetizers. And great cake. I wasn't mindful at all, once I let myself eat a couple bites, I just let it go. Aye, yay, yay.
Okay, I slipped. I let myself slip, and I knew it was happening as I was doing it. Okay, move on. Tomorrow is another day. Dr. Albers made the point to me after a previous post that I shouldn't look at is as never eating X or Y ever again, but just not eating those things while I'm trying to lose weight. When I get to maintaining (seems SO far away!), then I can allow myself to eat an occasional treat.
I don't feel well right now though, with the sugar and the carbs. Hopefully I can remember this and not do it again next time.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Day 48
I've been feeling anxious, and I've been struggling to figure out why. I realized today as I mulled it over that it started when the show aired last week, but grew when I weighed myself on Monday and had only lost two pounds (I know, I know, two pounds is still good). I think that the first part was because suddenly this is all much more real - instead of just having some friends and family following my progress, now they had seen my "Truth Tube" numbers in all their shocking glory. It ratcheted up the stakes; now I have even further to fall if I fail.
But I think Monday when I weighed in was actually more problematic. I think my "only" two pound loss was a result of my little slips throughout the weekend. And that worried me. A lot. It made me worry that I'm not going to be able to do this long term, I'm not going to be able to be successful - maybe I can lose weight, but I'm not going to be able to keep it off, because I can't imagine my life without ever having pizza or birthday cake ever again. So I think the anxiety is stemming from worry that this is going to be yet another time of losing a significant amount of weight and then slowly gaining it back - and this time I'm going to be letting a whole lot of other people down, because they have all become invested in seeing me succeed.
I'm trying to tell that anxious part of me just to chill out a bit - I hear it, I understand it, but let's not freak out totally. I know I need to take this one step, one day, one meal, one minute at a time. I don't know how I'll feel when I've lost 100 pounds (it's hard to even hope to lose 181 pounds, which would get me to 200 pounds). But I have to deal with keeping it off them. I can't focus on that now. I have to focus on doing what I know I need to do now, keep walking, keep eating right, and keep being mindful of what I'm feeling and thinking.
Everyone's support is really really wonderful, and your words do keep me going. So thank you.
(P.S. I couldn't get into my car AGAIN yesterday at work - so I climbed over from the passenger's seat, and while it wasn't elegant, it was slightly easier than the last time I had to do it! :)
But I think Monday when I weighed in was actually more problematic. I think my "only" two pound loss was a result of my little slips throughout the weekend. And that worried me. A lot. It made me worry that I'm not going to be able to do this long term, I'm not going to be able to be successful - maybe I can lose weight, but I'm not going to be able to keep it off, because I can't imagine my life without ever having pizza or birthday cake ever again. So I think the anxiety is stemming from worry that this is going to be yet another time of losing a significant amount of weight and then slowly gaining it back - and this time I'm going to be letting a whole lot of other people down, because they have all become invested in seeing me succeed.
I'm trying to tell that anxious part of me just to chill out a bit - I hear it, I understand it, but let's not freak out totally. I know I need to take this one step, one day, one meal, one minute at a time. I don't know how I'll feel when I've lost 100 pounds (it's hard to even hope to lose 181 pounds, which would get me to 200 pounds). But I have to deal with keeping it off them. I can't focus on that now. I have to focus on doing what I know I need to do now, keep walking, keep eating right, and keep being mindful of what I'm feeling and thinking.
Everyone's support is really really wonderful, and your words do keep me going. So thank you.
(P.S. I couldn't get into my car AGAIN yesterday at work - so I climbed over from the passenger's seat, and while it wasn't elegant, it was slightly easier than the last time I had to do it! :)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Day 46
A few folks have asked what kind of pedometer I have - the folks at the show gave me an Omron brand. My husband got one (an even newer, fancier version!) on Amazon for $30 (I think). It's really nice because it has a memory feature so when I'm reporting my steps to Dr. Roizen and have missed a day, I can easily look back and see how many steps I had.
The other thing I use a lot is an application on my iPhone called Loseit.com. I have always thought that keeping a food log would be incredibly burdensome. Once I've gotten going with this one, it's super easy to use and keep up with. Especially when you generally eat the same things over and over again - it has a nice feature where you can call up a previous meal and just copy it to another day. All on-line food journals have some shortcomings in terms of not having all the foods that you might eat, but this is pretty good. It also has an export report option which is great for sending summaries to Dr. R.! (Oh, and it's free!) And when you put something in on the phone it automatically updates it on the computer, and you can track progress over time.
The other thing I use a lot is an application on my iPhone called Loseit.com. I have always thought that keeping a food log would be incredibly burdensome. Once I've gotten going with this one, it's super easy to use and keep up with. Especially when you generally eat the same things over and over again - it has a nice feature where you can call up a previous meal and just copy it to another day. All on-line food journals have some shortcomings in terms of not having all the foods that you might eat, but this is pretty good. It also has an export report option which is great for sending summaries to Dr. R.! (Oh, and it's free!) And when you put something in on the phone it automatically updates it on the computer, and you can track progress over time.
Day 45
I lost two pounds this week. Seems like not much. That's 33 pounds total. I guess my little slips this weekend had an impact.
I feel like I'm in a lull. The initial extra energy I had seems to have dissipated, and I'm tired! I pushed pushed pushed myself today to get in steps, but still only hit 5200. My clothes are fitting better, but I think now it won't feel meaningful again until I hit 50 pounds gone - that might (might!) put me back into some clothes that I haven't been able to wear in a long time.
Two more things I thought of that I want to eventually be able to do:
I feel like I'm in a lull. The initial extra energy I had seems to have dissipated, and I'm tired! I pushed pushed pushed myself today to get in steps, but still only hit 5200. My clothes are fitting better, but I think now it won't feel meaningful again until I hit 50 pounds gone - that might (might!) put me back into some clothes that I haven't been able to wear in a long time.
Two more things I thought of that I want to eventually be able to do:
- Wear my engagement and wedding rings again - yes, I know I could have them resized, but I haven't wanted to for years since I didn't want to feel like I was accepting the weight I was at. My husband had been super sweet in getting me a variety of other rings in the meantime, that do fit, but I'd like to be able to get back to the original rings that were meant to be on that finger.
- Never have to ask for help getting into my car again - okay, I know that sounds weird, but it happened again last week - a car had parked so close next to mine that I couldn't get back into the driver's side door and had to ask the attendant for help. I still remember a time last year that I had to climb over the passenger's side to get into my car - now that was an amusing site! So I'd like to be able to be thin enough to always be able to get into the car either on the driver's side or to (fairly!) easily climb over from the passenger's side.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Day 44
I have been overwhelmed by the support everyone has sent me since the show aired! THANK YOU all for your love and support. It really does help keep me focused and motivated. I can't imagine that reading my story is helping anyone else as much as you all are helping me, so, selfishly, I thank you thank you thank you!
It has been hard to stay focused at times. We went out to eat a lot this weekend since we had family visiting. I found myself sneaking little bites of not-on-the-plan food, whereas before I have really been pretty good about just not touching it. I worry that this is a slippery slope where I allow myself a little bite here, a little bite there, and then a whole meal slip here (actually, I guess that happened, I had pizza on Friday night - no sauce, very thin crust, but still - that's all just rationalization). I need to get back on the straight and narrow tomorrow. It'll be interesting to see tomorrow morning if/how much I've lost this week and if these slips affect the numbers. It's clear that the stress level is still directly connected to the eating - I have been short-tempered with the kiddos this weekend (my son has been SO clingy and whiny) and I think that's contributing to my lack of focus.
This week's goal again is steps steps steps. I'm reliably hitting 4000 a day now, even on the weekends, which is an accomplishment, but not enough, not nearly. Dr. R. wants me at 6000 at least...
It has been hard to stay focused at times. We went out to eat a lot this weekend since we had family visiting. I found myself sneaking little bites of not-on-the-plan food, whereas before I have really been pretty good about just not touching it. I worry that this is a slippery slope where I allow myself a little bite here, a little bite there, and then a whole meal slip here (actually, I guess that happened, I had pizza on Friday night - no sauce, very thin crust, but still - that's all just rationalization). I need to get back on the straight and narrow tomorrow. It'll be interesting to see tomorrow morning if/how much I've lost this week and if these slips affect the numbers. It's clear that the stress level is still directly connected to the eating - I have been short-tempered with the kiddos this weekend (my son has been SO clingy and whiny) and I think that's contributing to my lack of focus.
This week's goal again is steps steps steps. I'm reliably hitting 4000 a day now, even on the weekends, which is an accomplishment, but not enough, not nearly. Dr. R. wants me at 6000 at least...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Day 41
How surreal to watch myself on television. I knew it was coming, but it's still strange. I just don't see myself as large as I appeared on the tv. I was able to watch it at home alone, which I think was ultimately good. It was hard to see myself as others see me, especially thinking that there are strangers watching and judging me. Everyone has been so sweet so far though. I am extremely lucky to have so many wonderful supporters routing for me. I really appreciate everyone's love and support!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
REMINDER - Show airs TOMORROW, Jan 21!
The show airs tomorrow - look forward to hearing people's feedback!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Day 39
My friend Terri asked what percentage of the way I am to my goal. Since everyone will know my starting weight as of this Thursday when the show airs, I guess there's no reason to be coy about it any more. On the show I weighed in at 381. As of yesterday morning I was at 350. (Why do I feel that I need to add the caveat that these weights were on two different scales, so I don't know if it's truly comparing apples to apples?) So, the question is what is my goal? By the weight charts, I'd have to get down to about 174 to be out of the "obese" category. In my mind if I could get down to 200 pounds, I'd be ecstatic. (That would put me at a BMI of 35, still in the "obese" level.) So, by that, I want to lose 181 pounds total (to get to 200). My 31 pounds is 17% of the way to that goal.
This is actually a good way of looking at things, thanks, Terri. 17% seems like a more meaningful number than 31 pounds compared to 181 pounds. The other thing that one of my colleagues suggested is buying five pound bags of flour and stacking them in my office to visually show how much weight I've lost. I could see this being a powerful visual, at least over time (right now, six bags of flour might not look all that impressive!) Also, another four pounds and I will have lost the equivalent of my son's weight - that's also powerful to me (I "lost" my daughter at 25 pounds!)
This is actually a good way of looking at things, thanks, Terri. 17% seems like a more meaningful number than 31 pounds compared to 181 pounds. The other thing that one of my colleagues suggested is buying five pound bags of flour and stacking them in my office to visually show how much weight I've lost. I could see this being a powerful visual, at least over time (right now, six bags of flour might not look all that impressive!) Also, another four pounds and I will have lost the equivalent of my son's weight - that's also powerful to me (I "lost" my daughter at 25 pounds!)
Monday, January 18, 2010
Day 38
Well, a better weigh in this morning - I'm down 5 more pounds. That brings me up to 31 total. Why though does that make me feel like I can slack today and not be as good, rather than refocusing me and giving me the inspiration to redouble my efforts? I let myself have a few little chocolate "pearls" that my kids were eating - and not even dark chocolate.
The other thing that I realized is really quite difficult for me to adjust to is that for the first time in my 25 years or so of dieting efforts, this is the first time that I am not needing to focus on calories. For example, with Weight Watchers, as my husband likes to say, you could spend all your "points" in a day eating just marshmallow Peeps (you might be hungry, but it would technically be acceptable). In this case, when on Thursday I planned in advance for the dinner party and ate light during the day, Dr. R. said that wasn't acceptable because I still ate things that I shouldn't have. It's a real mental shift that's taking a long time to understand and adjust to.
The other thing that I realized is really quite difficult for me to adjust to is that for the first time in my 25 years or so of dieting efforts, this is the first time that I am not needing to focus on calories. For example, with Weight Watchers, as my husband likes to say, you could spend all your "points" in a day eating just marshmallow Peeps (you might be hungry, but it would technically be acceptable). In this case, when on Thursday I planned in advance for the dinner party and ate light during the day, Dr. R. said that wasn't acceptable because I still ate things that I shouldn't have. It's a real mental shift that's taking a long time to understand and adjust to.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Day 34
It's hard when you are invited to a dinner birthday party and there aren't any choices of what to eat. So tonight I ate about 1/2 cup of white rice, a couple of pieces of short ribs (but made without any sauce), and a little bit of rice pudding. It would have been impolite not to eat at least something, and it would have also been rude for me not to go at all. The problem is that once I start eating something I'm not supposed to it's hard to stop, especially when there's more sitting in front of me.
Two good days of steps, hitting more than 5500 yesterday and Tuesday. Argh, but today I worked from home and didn't even hit 3000. It's the same problem on the weekends. You'd think I could use the extra, more flexible time to work in more walking/moving, but it's seeming to be easier to walk around my office building three or four times a day for ten minutes than it is to motivate here at home.
Two good days of steps, hitting more than 5500 yesterday and Tuesday. Argh, but today I worked from home and didn't even hit 3000. It's the same problem on the weekends. You'd think I could use the extra, more flexible time to work in more walking/moving, but it's seeming to be easier to walk around my office building three or four times a day for ten minutes than it is to motivate here at home.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Day 31 (addendum)
Forgot to mention - we got a date for the airing of the show! It'll be Thursday, January 21. Please, be kind in your judgments as you watch!
Day 31
These are the times that make it difficult to plug on through. I only lost two pounds this week. I know, I know, over time, it's okay, and two pounds a week would be a good, sustainable, steady weight loss. It just all still feels hard and like I'm continually working at this and that doesn't feel like enough to show for it. I think it really does come down to the exercise though. I didn't hit my step numbers except one day last week. This is my focus for the week, to really work to hit 5000 every day. Course I am only at 4400 right now and it's almost time for bed.
I think I'm also just feeling bored with it all. It's no where near as interesting as eating a wide variety of sugary foods. Of course, I feel better longer term than I do if I went back to donuts, short term too, since I always was so self-condemning after eating something crappy.
Nice suggestion from Laura about finding a good book on tape to make the walking more interesting. Am open to any suggestions - needs to be good to listen to in 15-20 minute increments and keep me wanting more.
I think I'm also just feeling bored with it all. It's no where near as interesting as eating a wide variety of sugary foods. Of course, I feel better longer term than I do if I went back to donuts, short term too, since I always was so self-condemning after eating something crappy.
Nice suggestion from Laura about finding a good book on tape to make the walking more interesting. Am open to any suggestions - needs to be good to listen to in 15-20 minute increments and keep me wanting more.
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