Friday, April 23, 2010

Day 132

So, it's been a pretty good week! I have generally been able to get back on track! A few little things - had some of the kids' mac and cheese the other night, and last night we got Burger King, and I thought I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich but ended up (once I got home and opened it) with a crispy chicken sandwich, and yes, I went ahead and ate it and the fries too. But this morning I got up and realized that it just wasn't worth it. It wasn't THAT good going down. This was a good realization, and it felt different - it was a conscious, positive thought, not one based in lots of guilt or self-loathing - I just realized, you know, it's just not all that good. If I'm going to indulge (a better word than "cheat"!), make it something worth while. For example, tonight we are going to this fancy event, and I'm sure there will be some lovely desserts, and I will let myself eat some. And that's okay. But that's a whole lot more likely to be worth it than the crappy BK fries were.

I want to draw people's attention to one of the comments on my last blog entry in particular - my friend Terri posted an email she had received from one of the groups she's connected with that has a lot of good advice. And I saw this article in my most recent issue of Redbook that really resonated - here are a couple of excerpts:

1. Realize that the size of your body isn't just about food
Say I'm not taking my time with food, that I'm eating on the run, standing at the refrigerator, or in the car. That's just an expression of the belief that I can't take time for myself — that that kind of time is not allowed, that other things are more important than I am. Instead, ask yourself: What do you want to be doing with your time? Does that even enter your mind? Do you disregard yourself? Is there a way you could include more of what you truly want in your life? Everything is connected: If you feel guilty for eating one cookie, for instance, what does that say about the pleasure you deprive yourself of in daily life? Nothing is going to change if you're not curious about why you're using food and what you really need instead.

4. Believe that you deserve happiness
I want people to see that overcoming their problem with food isn't just about willpower or thin thighs or a flat belly. It's not a banal problem that can be fixed like that. When people turn to food when they're not hungry, they're using food as a drug. And the question is: Why? It could be an expression of boredom or loneliness or sadness or anger. But to me, people who use food when they're not hungry, and don't stop when they've had enough, are indicating that they've given up on themselves. They're basically saying that the only pleasure or the biggest pleasure I have in my life — all that's left for me — is to eat. And that's a spiritual issue, as well as a psychological and emotional one. All of us are longing for something that we can't even name. You can call it the meaning of life, or wonder, or mystery, or you can call it God. But there's a longing for something many of us can't quite put into words. I want people to see how they are filling that longing with food — and that if they stop, they can rediscover themselves and realize that there are other, healthier ways to feel good and to really, truly live. 

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