Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Day 74

Just a quick update - yesterday morning I weighed in at 333 pounds, down 48 from where I started! Now, I went to my doctor a few hours later, and got on her scale, and was only at 337, and that's probably more accurate and closer to the original Oz scale than mine at home...but I like my number better! 48 pounds lost is 27% of the amount I'm hoping to lose - that's a QUARTER of the way! That sounds pretty good to me...

Even better, I also had my blood pressure taken at the doctor's. This was honestly better to hear than the weight loss this week. On the show my BP was 142/94 (or something like that, I'd have to check the exact numbers).Yesterday it was 128/82. Still not super low, but that's generally what it's been for years, and that's a whole lot less worrisome than what it had been. So, I'm MUCH more relieved about that!

Keep those great travel food suggestions coming...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Day 71

I realized today when one of my biggest weak-willed times is - when I'm tired and worn down. I think I've gotten to the point where I can resist most things that I shouldn't eat on a day-in, day-out basis - not saying I won't/haven't occasionally slipped, but it usually is for something really worth slipping for, and it's a deliberate (mindful!) decision to eat whatever it is (really good french fries, amazing cupcakes). But today was a LONG day, and the kids are just going through some sort of phase, so they're tired and cranky and whiny and, well, exhausting. It was as I was driving to the birthday party with them this afternoon that I found myself wanting to slip up and just eat crap without thinking about it. It's like when I'm really tired I just don't have the energy to summon up the willpower to know what's best for me and my body, and I just want to zone out and soothe that exhaustion with junk. I suppose the first step in fixing a problem is recognizing it...but when I'm weary, the idea of something sweet and sugary sounds really good. But I do know that even when I have slipped, I don't feel good after the fact - my body is definitely getting used to having minimal amounts of sugar, and it feels funny when I do eat some.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Day 68

Still having trouble figuring out quick, easy dinners for me alone and (ideally) for the kids as well. Tonight we just had some whole wheat pasta with no sugar added pasta sauce. Other thoughts are very welcome!!

Another thing I'm searching for thoughts on is something warm to drink that's not tea. I like tea a lot, but sometimes am feeling like something more substantial, but warm. Obviously hot chocolate is out, so other ideas?

Finally, one BIG area that I need help on. Two weeks from tomorrow I fly to Thailand for work for ten days. I'm not so worried about what I'll eat once I get there (although I am not holding my breath that they'll have brown rice, so that will be hard). I am REALLY worried about what to do while I'm on a 15 hour plane ride, then a two hour layover in Tokyo, then a 7 hour flight to Bangkok. What can I bring with me for the loooonnnggg trip that will last a while and keep me from eating whatever they pass out on the plane? Nuts are an easy one, dried fruits, baby carrots and other cut up veggies for at least a little while, cereal like Cheerios...other thoughts??? Normally I would hit the gift shop at the airport and buy chocolate bars, bags of candy, etc. That obviously won't work, so I have to make sure that whatever I bring will make it through security too. Thanks in advance for any thoughts!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Day 66

Amazingly, another 4 pounds down as of this morning, for a total of 44 lost. My clothes are definitely getting looser, and some of my pants are really too big. I think once I lose another 30 pounds or so I'll be able to get back into some of my clothes that I haven't worn in three years. Of course, once I get down to 300 pounds (I'm at 337 now), then I'll feel like the real work begins. That used to be my highest weight ever before these last few years, and so in some warped place in my head, the weight loss isn't really meaningful until I start getting down from that number.

But, there is a part of me that knows that this is a huge step in the right direction, and shows me that I CAN do this, if I keep working at it. I have let myself slip here and there over the last few weeks, and while that may not sit well with Dr. Roizen (Mr. "never eat sugar, white flour and red meat again in your life"), it's hard for me to imagine giving up those things entirely. At the same time, today I took my son to Starbucks and he asked for a donut as a treat, and I thought for a split second about having a bite, and then decided quickly it just wasn't worth it. (This was, though, after we had been out to lunch and I did eat a handful of french fries - but excellent ones, cooked in olive oil, not McDonalds ones...)

I have had a VERY hard time getting in even remotely enough steps in the last two weeks. Hopefully things will return a bit back to normal and I can start doing laps at work again and get my steps up. Dr. R. has told me to start doing exercises - squats and lunges - to build up my thigh strength, which he says will help with my knee pain, and I can feel it in the back of my legs and my knee isn't hurting as much.

There has been one other thing that I think is a good sign. Twice now in the last week or so I've had diet-related dreams - once, that I was wearing my pedometer and trying to get in more steps, and the other was about keeping food logs. Clearly both items are a bit of a source of anxiety for me, but I think it's momentous that they have infiltrated my sleeping consciousness as well as my awake one.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Day 60

Well, I hit a nice round number yesterday morning on the scale! Down to 341 pounds, which is 40 pounds from where I started! As my coworker would say, that's 8 bags of flour piled up!

The last week has been so hard stuck inside the house. Somehow this snow not only activates comfort food cravings, but also makes me feel lethargic and not want to move. I got outside today though, in the brief lull before the next storm started earlier tonight, and went to the grocery store. And successfully resisted buying donuts and cake and other things I would have normally eaten.

This weekend was full of temptations, and I didn't completely resist. Sunday was the Superbowl, and we had company, so we ordered pizza. I had leftover whole wheat pasta, and veggies, but did eat about 2/3 of a slice of pizza. Then it was one of our visitor's birthdays, and I resisted the cake that night, but had a sliver the next day. And yesterday my son wanted to make cookies - I didn't have to make a whole batch since we have some frozen 'break and bake" dough, but he absolutely insisted, to the point of tears, that I had to eat a cookie.

I've explained to him that certain things "aren't on my diet," and often he'll ask now if something is or is not on my diet before we eat it. He'll even ask if something is on my diet before he eats it, and then he'll say "it's on my diet too," or if I say no, it's not on mine, he'll often say "well, it is on my diet." I don't want him getting any messages about a huge focus on weight, but I think right now he doesn't put that together with the word "diet" - it's just about what I eat or don't eat. I really need to watch it though, I'm almost afraid to use the word at all around the kids, because I don't want either of them, but especially my daughter, picking up negative body image issues.

I did make what I thought was a great dinner last night, although the kids were only lukewarm on it. Thanks to a recipe from the Kraft website, I modified it slightly and it was so yummy. Chicken breasts cut in strips and cooked in a pan with a little olive oil, add taco seasoning packet, one cup salsa and two cups water, bring to boil, then add four cups instant rice, cook til rice is done. I used instant brown rice and whole grain tortillas, sprinkled a little part skim, low fat shredded cheese on it, and really enjoyed it. And I have enough left over for at least three more meals.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Day 57

Well, we've been completely housebound now for 36 hours,with around two and a half feet of snow, and lost electricity for about 4 hours today. Somehow not having power made the cravings for sugar rise even more than they had already! We have a birthday cake in the kitchen because we have houseguests coming tomorrow for a couple of nights and it's one of their birthdays tomorrow - as we contemplated more than a few hours without power, it started calling and calling to all of us...

I am VERY proud of myself though! We have a treadmill in the basement that I don't think I have used...ever... But after only getting in about 1200 steps yesterday, I realized I had to do something today. So, while my loving husband was making dinner, I went down and walked for just over a mile, getting in more than 3000 steps! Other than the kiddos being somewhat mystified by what I was doing, it actually felt really good. I realized that I have missed moving around for the last couple of days. It's so easy to just sit on my butt on the couch, and that's not good, especially when it's easy to self-soothe with the stress of the storm (and two crazy kids bouncing off the walls!) with chocolate - dark chocolate, but still probably more than I should be having!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Day 54

What is it about snowy days that makes me want to comfort eat? Most days I am fine with the idea of a turkey sandwich on multigrain bread, but today that just doesn't sound appealing, but a greasy cheeseburger or steak and cheese with fries sounds wonderful... And a salad really isn't sounding good. Soup, maybe...

Next weekend the husband and I are taking a much-needed break from the kiddos. Unfortunately, when we usually get away (not that often), it almost always involves eating something rich and special. But not this time. So, we're going to this lovely resort not too far from the house, with a spa and a pool and a nice, quiet, kid-less room and no wakeup calls...but we are skipping the decadent Sunday brunch, which is really one of my favorite meals in the world. (For example, the Westin on Grand Cayman Island has probably one of the most amazing Sunday brunches I've ever seen!) I recognize that even at my "goal" weight I may be able to eat treats like pizza or cake occasionally, but I'm not sure a full-out Sunday brunch will really be a good idea, ever. Yet another adjustment in attitude, perspective, and planning. And I know we need to find other rewards and activities to share that don't involve food, but oy, that's hard when you have focused so much of your entire lives on food-as-celebration/treats/solace/comfort/etc. (And how not to pass that onto the kids - THAT's a topic for another day!)

Monday, February 1, 2010

Day 52

Not sure I'm trusting my scale...I was down another 3 pounds this morning, for a total loss of 36 pounds! That's about what my son weighs! And, percentage-wise, that's about 20% of the way to my goal! Wow. A fifth of the way there. That's a better way to look at things.

I'm still at 345 pounds...which means that if, no, WHEN, I lose about this amount again, in my mind that only gets me back down to where I was pre-kiddos (it's not pregnancy weight per se, since they're adopted, but I'd say it essentially came around the time of the first kid...!) So that means, to me, at that point is when the "real" weight loss begins, when we move into the realm of "this is how much I weighed when I was trying to get pregnant" (about 260); "this is how much I weighed when we got married" (about 245); and "this is how much I weighed when I was at my lowest point ever" (about 220).

I am wearing a shirt today that I bought a few months ago, and at that time could only wear under things. Today I felt like it looked good enough to wear on its own.

I did get back on the horse yesterday, and managed to get through the third birthday party of the weekend without eating any pizza or cake. My friend Erica just commented about how her husband approaches dieting, telling himself that "even if this is the BEST cake/whatever in the world, some day I'll be able to eat it again, just not now." It's a good philosophy, one I think my mind has been dancing around, so it's good to hear it in words. The husband said yesterday that he's thinking for our tenth anniversary (Oct. 2011) he wants to investigate getting a custom made cake from Charm City Cakes in Baltimore (of "Ace of Cakes" fame on the Food Network). I know that food is NOT the best reward, but that would be something to deliberately, mindfully work towards as a treat - but ONLY if I'm at a good weight at that point!