Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Day 200

Just a big THANK YOU to everyone who has commented on my last post. I really appreciate and value all the encouraging words of support and advice. I've always known that I've had the support of my husband, family, etc., but this is just such a neat way to know that there are others who are struggling with the same things, and that it's not me who's failing, but that this is just really really hard and it just takes work.

I'm going to try and do a few things:
1) Keep reminding myself that each day, each hour, is unique and a unique choice - not to "write off the summer" as someone wrote, which was a great reminder that every little choice DOES matter, and it doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing.
2) Start recording all my food again, for better or worse. Dr. Roizen emailed me a few days ago saying "where are you??" and I have been too embarrassed to email him back. Thinking about "do I want to write down that I ate this?" may help.
3) Try to find a way to MOVE more - even just every other day for now. I was even walking more when I started this and was going around the building a few times a day - at a minimum I can do that again, although I agree with Erica, outside is much more appealing (it just seems like more work than just getting up for a few minutes and walking down the hall).
4) Try to keep remembering how far I've come. Someone at work this morning just commented that she thinks I'm looking really good, and while I wanted to discount that because I've been stagnant, she was amazed at the fact that I've lost 60 pounds (or a dozen 5-pound bags of flour, as she puts it!) And walking through the airport last weekend I felt fine, not worn out and slow and tired like I used to. I need to keep remembering those sorts of things...

THANK YOU again for all the support!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Day 198

Ugh. Stuck in a rut. I haven't written because I'm embarrassed at my lack of progress. Today I weighed myself and have actually gained a few pounds, up to 321. Lots of excuses - work has been very stressful, home has been a bit crazy, was traveling this past weekend to Los Angeles and went to spectacular dinners at fancy restaurants on someone else's dime... But it doesn't change the fact that I've really let myself go, and there's a huge part of me that has lost motivation right at this point. And no more walking since the 5K. Whiny excuses to myself about how hot it is in the mornings, but still...we have a treadmill in the basement.

I think I need to go back to my earlier blog posts and see if rereading those helps me remotivate. I did go looking for clothes last week and was glad I no longer had to search for the 30/32s, but still wasn't exactly thrilled by the way I looked in 26/28s.

It's daunting, not even looking at the long term - I'm away again next week to San Francisco, and then to a bridal shower weekend, and then two weeks later to Anaheim for a conference. Then perhaps vacation with the kids, and a wedding... I'm definitely falling into the "just let it all go" mindset of thinking about writing off the next two months. But that's not the right way to approach it, I know, but it's just so hard to refocus. I had dreamt about being at 280 for my sister-in-law's wedding in mid August, and then thought, well, if I can at least hit 300 that'll be good, and now I'm thinking, well, hopefully I won't GAIN any more weight. Argh. Help!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Day 178

(Frustratingly, Blogger was down yesterday so I couldn't post this earlier!!)

I DID IT!! I walked the WHOLE 5K, without stopping! And I felt GREAT! I think I would have hit a wall and stopped around the second mile mark, but there were so many inspirational people around me, and everyone just kept walking, so it was easy to just go with the flow. Afterwards I was tired but exhilarated! AND, I wasn't last - I made sure to start towards the front of the pack and so there were lots and lots and lots of people behind me. BUT, even if I HAD been last, the important thing would have been to finish.

So, now I'm going to sign up for another one! And another one! Having something to work towards I think is going to be key to keep me motivated. As it was, I took Sunday off to rest, and then (amazingly) got up yesterday morning to walk. But, this morning was different - I was up twice at night with the kiddos, and just was too tired. So, it'll be even more amazing if I can get up again tomorrow and walk.

Unfortunately, I seem to be undermining myself - now that I've so raised my steps numbers, I'm slipping all over the place on food. So when I weighed in yesterday I was at 320 again, and today the scale jumped up to 330!! Ick. I am choosing to reject today's number and try to refocus...

A big shout out to Reco who walked with me the whole way on Saturday (she's amazing - the 5K was a little stroll for her, a warm up for the 10 mile+ walk she was taking the rest of the day!), and also to my dear friend Terri who RAN the 5K (you go girl!!) and then walked back a mile to meet up with us and walk the last mile to the finish line again! Being around people like that are inspirational - this mobility thing is NOT a mirage, but is actually a possibility!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Day 174

FOUR DAYS IN A ROW!! And then tomorrow, the actual race (walk!) - so that'll be FIVE days!! I am actually quite shocked at myself that I've gotten up four mornings in a row now to walk... Unfortunately, the "burst of energy" that I hear one gets with regular exercise hasn't seemed to kick in yet - I'm finding myself REALLY tired every morning, and thus needing to eat something (usually some nuts) as well as have some caffeine to keep going.

But my step counts have never been higher! Today I walked almost 2 miles, and I'm already up to more than 6000 steps so far! Yesterday I hit 9000, and the day before that I almost broke my pedometer :) by hitting 11,382 steps!!

I feel like people are probably reading this thinking "it's just a 5K Jen, why are you making such a big deal out of this?? And you're not even running it, just walking..." Well, remember (and I keep reminding myself) that when I started this journey in December, walking just two blocks was a daunting task for me, and one I avoided like the plague. Walking the not even 1/4 mile down the street to the little neighborhood park with my kids was a HUGE effort. I would try to combine errands within my building at work to save steps because I would get so tired. Now, I embrace walking around the building for meetings! Now, I can walk for 2 miles in the morning and be tired and oh-so-sweaty (!), but feel good! Now, the park down the street feels incredibly close by and just an easy stroll! SO...a 5K IS a big deal for me. (I don't mean this to say that I think people are being judgmental - everyone has been SO supportive, and I thank you all for that! I'm more rationalizing this in my head, and needing to remind myself how far I've come...!)

Of course, the real test will be next week when I don't have the specter of training for the race hanging over my head - can I still get myself out of bed in the mornings?? Maybe I need to find another race for a few months from now to work towards...

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Day 172

I did it again!! I got up at 6 and got out the door for a 40 minute walk! Even a tiny bit faster this time...although, happily, Shelley says that doing the walk in 90 minutes or so should be fine, and this morning I walked about a 23 minute mile... sounds so slow when I say it like that...

I will say, it was harder today to get up than yesterday. I took longer to pull myself out of bed, and easily could have fallen back asleep. But then I'd be berating myself now. And once I got going, I was really glad I did, it was a beautiful day, not too hot at that point, and I love exploring different streets around our neighborhood that I certainly never look at as closely as when I'm walking. I am a tired puppy now though, and could easily curl up under my desk and sleep! That energy boost from exercise has NOT kicked in yet...

I don't think I'll have the time to do a full 5k walk before Saturday - but for all you experienced walkers and runners out there, if I can do at least a 2 mile walk or slightly more, tomorrow or Friday, then I should be able to push it on Saturday, right? Especially with the momentum of all the inspiring people around me? Any other advice or tips?? Thanks for all the support!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Day 171

Well, both last week and this week I weighed in at about the same weight - 317 or 318, depending on how much I lean forward on the scale (c'mon, I'm not the only one who does that, right?!) Maintaining is better than gaining...but I have renewed determination to move that needle down down down.

So...the BIG accomplishment for the day (week! month, even!!) is that I got up this morning at 6:00 and went for a walk!! Sounds so simple and stupid when I write it, but really, this is HUGE for me. I've realized that this is truly the only time I will ever be able to get some exercise in - I'm just too tired at night, and while I can push myself to take walks at lunchtime, it's now regularly hitting the high 80s here in the middle of the day, and I just don't always push myself to get away from the computer like I should. So, I need to start streamlining my routine better - it took me nearly 20 minutes to get out of bed, , find clothes to wear, get dressed and out the door, and I know to keep this up that'll need to become much easier. But it was a LOVELY morning for a walk - nice breeze, not too hot. I went about 35 minutes, 1.6 miles or so. And I even started by tackling a HUGE hill by the house, and then went downhill from there.

The motivator right now is that I'm signed up to do the Komen 5K Breast Cancer walk this Saturday morning. On Saturday night I walked around my in-laws' complex - flat flat ground in a big circle - I did four laps and logged about 2.2 miles. The walk will be 3.1 miles, so I know that if I had to do it tomorrow I could finish, but I'd be a hurt puppy the next day. I don't know that I'll have time between now and then to do a full 3 miles, but if I walk at least 30-45 minutes each day, that will help a lot, I would think. I'm going to be SLOW SLOW SLOW though - I did my 2.2 miles in about an hour; how slow can you walk before they pull you off the course?? (Shelley, my friend who works at Komen, are you reading this??) But I have great new walking shoes, cool (pink!) socks, and I am determined to do this!

(A shout out to my friend Erica, who reads this blog, who just did a half-marathon in Boston! Great work, mama!! You're an inspiration!!)