Day 262

Okay, tomorrow is a new start. It hadn't really occurred to me when I set September 1st as my "restart" date that it was in the middle of the week. It wasn't until Dr. Albers emailed me the other day and asked if I was ready that it hit me that I only had a couple days left! I did treat myself to a few things this morning - a green tea from Panera, a pastry. I feel good about a new start. I've been feeling sluggish and icky, and I'm looking forward to cleaning the sugar out of my body again. It's still crazy hot - I'm not sure how people get up and go running in this kind of weather - but I think I'll start walking again this weekend. We are doing a 1K walk as a family in a week and a half, and I'm sure it won't be a big problem, but it'll still be good motivation to get moving again (especially since I can foresee having to carry a child on my shoulders for part of the way :)  Okay, wish me luck! Let's see if I can lose at least 10 pounds this month - I will do an "official" weigh in tomorrow morning, but I'm guessing I have 20-25 pounds to lose to hit 300 - I'd be thrilled if I can do that by the end of October. Anybody else with me starting up again here?

Day 255

Twizzlers are tasty. But as good as they tasted going down, I didn't feel good afterwards, physically or emotionally. I was eating them as part of a stress/coping mechanism... but I think I'm really getting to the point that my brain and body are working somewhat in sync against highly processed foods. So, if I'm going to have a cupcake, it'll be a real one bought from a real bakery, not a Hostess cupcake. I have found myself standing in 7-11 and the grocery store staring at things, trying to rationalize eating them ("just one, you deserve it, it's okay to slip as long as you're being conscious and deliberate about it, etc..."), and I've turned away and walked out.

I could be better about my eating at this point, but I REALLY need to get back into the walking. I am still focusing on September 1 as my "restarting" point. I also am inspired by my cousin Liesl's comment on my last blog post about setting interim personal goals. Weight-loss-wise, the next goal is to lose this nagging 20 pounds and get to 300 finally. Exercise-wise - hmm... well, first, to change the battery in my pedometer so that I can wear it again! Then, maybe I can focus again on hitting a certain number of steps each day - 7500? And finally, tracking food and emailing Dr. Roisen again... stay tuned...

And once we get back into a routine with school, etc., I need to get serious about identifying some good, healthy, EASY, kid-friendly dinners for me and the kiddos. Not just for the food but to make sure we have some family dinner time. Any ideas or suggestions for dinners that a) can be made simply (under 20 minutes) that are kid-friendly, or b) that can be made during the afternoon by my nanny and I can just heat up?

Day 237

I know, I know, it's been far too long since I've posted. In my (slight) defense, I was sick for more than a week - strep throat and then what I think was an allergic reaction to the antibiotics (rash over my entire body, wanted to tear my skin off). Fun. The ONLY upside to the whole thing was that I think it may have jumpstarted my weight loss again, as I was down a few pounds (finally) as of a couple days ago. (So, weigh in weight was 313 - that's 68 pounds, or 38% of what I want to lose.)

Now, I worry that might be temporary, and with a family wedding and a little vacation with the kiddos after that may be challenging. But my episode of Dr. Oz reaired last week, and while I didn't see it live, I am planning to rewatch the show, probably this weekend. I think I need to use it as a motivator to remember why I'm doing all this, and help push me out of the complacency I've been in. I'm not upset - I'm glad I've been able to maintain for a few months, which shows me that I can handle life at this weight with some but not too too much work. But I don't want to stay at this weight and so I need to motivate again to get back on track and start losing again. With the summer wrapping up, and the weather improving, goals include:

• Getting up at least 3 days a week (more would be good, of course) to walk in the mornings
• Beginning to write down all that I eat again and track that 
• Send that to Dr. Roisen - I've ignored him for months...out of shame and guilt...
• Sign up for at least 2-3 5K walks this fall - that really helped me motivate and if I can do that again it'd be great

I'm setting September 1 as my "restart" date, but not in a way that between now and then I can go crazy. I think I just need to have something to mentally start focusing on and that's as good a date as any. Work also seems like it's stabilizing and I am starting to think about joining the gym here at the office, since I might have more time to actually go during the day. Sigh. This is hard, but what's the saying? "Food doesn't taste as good as thin feels"?? Well, I don't know what "thin" feels like, but I do know what really big, and tired, and no energy feels like, and it's not good. I felt GREAT when I did the 5K in June, and I need to keep remembering that feeling, and knowing that sugar makes me feel exactly the opposite, and crappy. What are other people's goals for the fall? It would help me to know others are working on things too...