[I posted this a few days ago...but on the wrong blog! I write a blog for the grandparents about my kids and accidentally posted this there instead of here, and it just took me a few days to realize what I had done!]
Well, Dr. Albers caught me. She nicely emailed me asking how things were going, and astutely recognized that when I don't blog, things aren't going so well! I've had a week of debauchery and decadence. No holds barred, nothing off limits. There are some stressers going on in my life, but it's no excuse. It definitely felt like once I let myself go, I went all the way. Donuts. Cake. Ice cream. Italian pastries. Macaroni and cheese (more than once - and it was always just finishing what was on my kids' plates). Did I mention donuts? Dr. Albers pointed out those seem to be my bellwether for having lost control - it's like donuts are the ultimate evil forbidden food for me.
My (4 year old) son has internalized the whole idea of "green light/red light" foods, so he'll ask if something's a red or green light food for me. I said in the car yesterday at the end of our three hour drive back from New Jersey that something was a red light food, but that I was going to still eat it - my husband (gently, nicely!) made the observation that I had been "running a lot of lights" lately. Good way of putting it... And the scale reflected it. I had gotten down to about 317 - this morning I was back at 325. Argh. So much for my goal of hitting 300 by the end of October. Or to lose 100 pounds total by the end of December (45 pounds in three months seems setting myself up for disappointment).
Unfortunately, while I feel icky (and tired - the sugar is definitely taking a toll on my energy), i don't feel gross enough to be truly motivated to get back on track. I'm tired of dieting, of always watching what I eat, of always trying to get more steps in (today I didn't even wear my pedometer). I know it's a lifelong struggle, and gets mildly easier once I'm into a different and new routine, but, sigh, I'm really feeling unmotivated. And seeing other motivated people (go fellow Oz-appearer Amy who is working up to running a half marathon in January!! I don't think I could run if my life depended on it!) doesn't make me want to get up and move - while I'm really happy for them, I feel like I'm just doomed to fail at this, so why bother.
What a cheery post for a dreary Monday morning. Sorry all.