Day 66

Amazingly, another 4 pounds down as of this morning, for a total of 44 lost. My clothes are definitely getting looser, and some of my pants are really too big. I think once I lose another 30 pounds or so I'll be able to get back into some of my clothes that I haven't worn in three years. Of course, once I get down to 300 pounds (I'm at 337 now), then I'll feel like the real work begins. That used to be my highest weight ever before these last few years, and so in some warped place in my head, the weight loss isn't really meaningful until I start getting down from that number.

But, there is a part of me that knows that this is a huge step in the right direction, and shows me that I CAN do this, if I keep working at it. I have let myself slip here and there over the last few weeks, and while that may not sit well with Dr. Roizen (Mr. "never eat sugar, white flour and red meat again in your life"), it's hard for me to imagine giving up those things entirely. At the same time, today I took my son to Starbucks and he asked for a donut as a treat, and I thought for a split second about having a bite, and then decided quickly it just wasn't worth it. (This was, though, after we had been out to lunch and I did eat a handful of french fries - but excellent ones, cooked in olive oil, not McDonalds ones...)

I have had a VERY hard time getting in even remotely enough steps in the last two weeks. Hopefully things will return a bit back to normal and I can start doing laps at work again and get my steps up. Dr. R. has told me to start doing exercises - squats and lunges - to build up my thigh strength, which he says will help with my knee pain, and I can feel it in the back of my legs and my knee isn't hurting as much.

There has been one other thing that I think is a good sign. Twice now in the last week or so I've had diet-related dreams - once, that I was wearing my pedometer and trying to get in more steps, and the other was about keeping food logs. Clearly both items are a bit of a source of anxiety for me, but I think it's momentous that they have infiltrated my sleeping consciousness as well as my awake one.