Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Day 25

Another day, another test

So just as I think, okay, I'm back into the swing of things, into a routine, I can do this, I get thrown another test. I got a call this morning from a friend in Dallas and found out that she has Stage 3 metastatic breast cancer, just had a double mastectomy, and starts radiation tomorrow for four months. Ugh. No one deserves this, but she's such a sweet and lovely person (as is her husband), I just hated to hear this news. So once I hung up the phone, I realized I was running through a bunch of emotions, thoughts, and reactions. Beyond just being distressed by the news, I realized that my immediate reaction was to find something doughy or chocolatey (or both) to eat. First as a comfort, self-soothing mechanism. Then with the thought that "life is so short, and unfair, why don't I just treat myself and eat something that is so tasty, even if it's not good for me, we all are just going to get sick eventually anyway."

But, I stopped, and recognized that I was working my way through these reactions. I'm very proud of how I handled it. I went and found a coworker, who has been super supportive with my journey. I asked her to come with me to Starbucks. I knew that letting myself have a tall skim sugar free vanilla latte would be a nice treat for me, with only the calories of the skim milk (and I hadn't had any protein this morning so I was feeling hungry). But I also knew that I needed to tell someone what I was reacting too so that I didn't internalize it, and that I needed someone to come with me to Starbucks so I wouldn't buy a scone or donut or coffee cake like I used to (or even two). It worked, all around.

I do feel like there are so many people dealing with so much bigger problems, like cancer, like job loss, like fatally ill children, that writing about my little diet woes is insignificant and petty. But it is what I'm dealing with, and I'm fortunate that it's all I'm dealing with now, and I'm doing it to NOT to have to deal with some of these more difficult issues later in life.

1 comment:

  1. Hi. I was thinking about this. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. And, I'm proud of your thoughtful reaction. But, I was also thinking that your weight loss challenge is no vanity thing. It is every bit as life threatening as cancer. While your "treatment" is different and more in your control than an illness like cancer, it is just as imperative that your "treat" your weight like it will kill you. That's why it is so awesome you are doing this - to add life and health to your years to be with us and those beautiful children. Terri